To witness Kamali Minter in action is to stand in the presence of the Goddess. Whether in discussing a deeper connection with the self or another, or expressing her most authentic self through dance, Kamali's connection to her power is undeniable. The work that she shares through her coaching and teaching is transformative and furthermore can be implemented for practical use in real time.
WildSpice had the pleasure of discussing tantra, intimacy, sex and the potential of polyamory in this juicy interview:
Please tell us about the work you share in the world and how you were drawn to dedicate yourself to it.
You could call me a Tantric Relationship Coach. I use Tantric philosophy and practices, to help couples, and singles cultivate their connection to their bodies and to each other. I find that most people I work with love themselves and/or their partners, but something is missing. They are hungry for more intimacy, deeper connection, and richer sexual experiences. And I give them guidance and practices that help them dissolve the obstacles to having these richer experiences in relationship with or without a committed partner.
I stumbled onto the Tantric path as a seeker of these same things in the relationship I was in at the time. I was with a man who was my best friend, but we did not see eye to eye sexually. I was hungry for a type of connection I had never experienced at that point but somehow knew existed. And then I met my first Tantra teacher, Charu Morgan; a woman who showed me the bridge between my spirituality and my sexuality for the first time. I was hooked, because what I learned not only helped me have a new experiences with my partner, but the more I encountered the practices, the more I went through a deep inner transformation. Tantra helped me restore my innocence, my power, my heart, and my authentic self. It helped me find safety, wholeness, and pleasure inside my own body, not dependent on another person. It helped me learn how to let myself be seen, expressed, and loved.
Then there came a point when this little voice told me it was time teach. I tried to ignore this voice for a year. But you when you are being called, eventually you must answer.
So I dove onto the teacher’s path and my whole life came undone. I had to release the relationship I had been in for 8 yrs, I left my home, and a career in entertainment. Everything that I had clung to for a sense of self was shed. I became a global nomad for a year; traveling, working, studying Tantra and Taoism with powerful teachers, drinking in the culture and spirit of places like Cambodia, Bali, & Thailand, and South Africa.
When I came back to LA, I went through an intense training process with Charu to lead her Level 1 weekend workshops, and finally had an opportunity to work with large groups in addition to my private client base.
I still have a devoted daily personal practice that supports me in giving the most to my clients and students. I've continued my learning at the feet of great teachers, deepening my wisdom in Shakta Tantra and Tantra Yoga. And I’m passionate about sharing the knowledge that has changed my life and the lives of many of my students.
What is the most common reason that individuals/ partners seek your guidance?
What I hear time and time again, is that they want a deeper connection. That is true for both couples and singles. Other desires I hear a lot are more sex, or more intimate sex. Women often want to know more about their bodies and their sexuality. A lot of the women I work with struggle with orgasm in different ways and loving their bodies. Some have experienced trauma or abuse and they want to be able to heal and feel pleasure. Most people want a fulfilling partnership, but are dealing with heartbreak of some kind. They desire to be able to open up and trust people, trust life. I have also encountered communication struggles, a desire to be able to listen to their own bodies and their partners body, or communicate their fears & desires. Most people just want to feel good in their bodies, to feel loved, seen, and understood… and they understand this work can help.
From your perspective as a healer offering your expertise to create more depthful intimacy between partners, what do you think is the biggest thing that stands in the way of a couple's fluid communication?
Most of the time we are not actually speaking our deepest truth. In fact a lot of people don’t even know what their deeper truth is. Couples are rarely ever arguing about the thing they are talking about. Under complaints, and pointed words are always deeper emotions that need to be felt and expressed for there to be any real resolution. But this requires real vulnerability, which takes on-going practice and good self-awareness. An upset about a forgotten promise, or not having enough quality time together, is often about one person not feeling important, and the other feeling burdened or guilty about their partner’s need. The wisdom of relationship, is that it gives us something to bump up against and feel our deepest wounds and desires. Relationship brings us an opportunity to feel and express stuff we’ve been holding onto, that might otherwise lie dormant. But it takes a certain amount of inner security to say “hey when you don’t make time for me, it takes me back to being 5 years old and ignored by my parents.” It really helps to have a safe container and guidance to access these deeper layers of vulnerability. All conflict is an opportunity for deeper intimacy, when we learn how to let ourselves be vulnerable, undefended, and feel things we may not want to.
How do you describe tantra and how is it a part of what you share?
This is a hard question to answer because tantra is an experiential spiritual path that dates back thousands of years, to really know what it is, you must do it, through a committed practice and the guidance of good teachers. But we can understand some basics by looking at the name itself which translates to ‘weaving'. The basis of tantric philosophy is about the weaving of the feminine and masculine energies that create existence. Most indigenous and shamanic traditions speak about this weaving as well; yin & yang, father sky & mother earth, and in tantra it is the union of Shiva and Shakti. It is said that their lovemaking is what produces our physical world. While classical tantra allows us to connect with aspects of consciousness through rituals and practices that include mantra, yantra, and visualization; modern tantra has brought in somatic practices and psychology to work more directly with sexuality, and blocks to intimacy and union. What makes Tantra unique is that it is one of the few spiritual paths that honors the body as a pathway to the ultimate liberation which is union with the Divine, so you will find this teaching at the heart of all Tantric practice. The teachings are practical but powerful, so it is important to pick the right guide for your journey. My work is a blend of Modern Tantric and Taoist practices, Yoga, Relationship Counseling, and Reiki (energy work). I speak from my personal experience and what I've learned from my teachers and students. And I do my best to make this ancient wisdom fun, and relevant while maintaining the integrity of the teachings.
What role does masculine and feminine energy balance play in romantic relationship?
When I refer to masculine and feminine, I'm referring to qualities of energy and not men and women. Masculine or Solar qualities as talked about in tantra, include presence, direction, stillness, consciousness and formlessness. Feminine or Lunar qualities include, movement, receptivity, love, nature, & form. The interplay of masculine energy and feminine energy is what creates the dynamic tension that allows there to be a physical existence. So naturally these energies also create a dynamic tension in between humans. That tension is what we often feel when there is sexual chemistry, or erotic desire. How these energies work with each other is often called Polarity. When you have two opposing forces come together, a circuit is created. And this circuit can be activated between two people if one person is a masculine energy and the other is a feminine energy. Or this circuit can take place in our own bodies. It’s important to understand that we all contain both masculine and feminine energies in our bodies. We have lunar and solar channels, as well as positive and negative poles, that are pathways for masculine and feminine energy to flow. So that dynamic spark can be activated without a partner through practices that bring these energies into union in our bodies. And Tantric Lovemaking is a way to approach sexual union so that the masculine and the feminine are united in reverence and balance with one another, which can open up a circuit between the two bodies where love can flow.
Do you believe humans are hard wired for monogamy?
I’ve come across many interesting theories and conversations about this topic. I think that humans are wired for connection. Whether that is monogamous connection, polyamorous, or somewhere in between, I think depends on the human. No matter what type of relationship structure you are in, when the connection erodes or becomes threatened, people start to compromise themselves or their partnership when they don’t know how else to re-establish that connection. There has been a cultural disposition towards monogamy in the Western world, because it keeps social order simpler. There’s also quite a bit of religious doctrine that has re-enforced this standard. But I think many people have stuck with monogamy not only for the stability and security it can provide, but also the potential to deepen in intimacy and build something over a longer period of time with one person. Monogamy does not mean however that we will never love or desire other people besides our partner, so we are left with the task of making agreements and arrangements that work for all the people in a relationship. All relationships require a tremendous amount of maturity and vulnerability to last and keep working for both people. And there is no one side fits all solution for how humans should do relationship.
What advice would you give to someone seeking to experience true love in their lives?
As cliche as it sounds all true love begins with Self-Love. And when I say Self, I’m referring to the Self that’s closest to Source, closest to your original innocence. Learning how to develop a relationship with that version of Self is the first step to true love. You must feel yourself as worthy and capable of giving and receiving love, in order to expereince the depths of true love. I believe that love is not an emotion, but rather a field that permeates existence, it is available to us at all times, and many things can be a catalyst to that energy; another person, a song, time in nature, your breath. When we learn how to access love that’ not dependent on how another person is being or behaving, then it becomes possible to be the source of love wherever you go. I find on days when I can do this, true love shows up in the most unexpected places. And from this place finding another human to share that with becomes easier.
Do you have any events or workshops upcoming that you'd like our audience to be aware of?
I have a sensual movement class for women called Body Bliss, starting on April 27th. I’m really excited about offering a space for women to access pleasure and bliss inside their own bodies through this 5 week series. You can find out more and register at http://www.spaceforlove.com/events/ And I also do private coaching with singles and couple. I offer a free 30 min consult so we can discuss your specific desires and how the work I do may help. You can email firstname.lastname@example.org to set one up.
Kamali's passionate about transformation through movement, breath, meditation and self-awareness. She fuses her knowledge of Tantra, Taoism, Yoga, Meditation, Reiki, Relationship, and Art, to create opportunities for us to experience the Love that we are. Kamali has learned from a number of gifted spiritual teachers. She did her 200 YTT with Shivakali Yoga, Tantra teacher training with Embody Tantra, is a certified Sacred Feminine facilitator through Tao Tantric Arts and the Universal Tao, and is a trained Reiki Master. Her approach to healing is about making ancient wisdom relevant to our modern lives by guiding practices that have been used for thousands of years to reach enlightened states, in ways that are accessible and fun.