Tantric Relationship with Kamali Minter

Comment

Tantric Relationship with Kamali Minter

To witness Kamali Minter in action is to stand in the presence of the Goddess. Whether in discussing a deeper connection with the self or another, or expressing her most authentic self through dance, Kamali's connection to her power is undeniable. The work that she shares through her coaching and teaching is transformative and furthermore can be implemented for practical use in real time.

 

WildSpice had the pleasure of discussing tantra, intimacy, sex and the potential of polyamory in this juicy interview:


Please tell us about the work you share in the world and how you were drawn to dedicate yourself to it.

 

You could call me a Tantric Relationship Coach.  I use Tantric philosophy and practices, to help couples, and singles cultivate their connection to their bodies and to each other. I find that most people I work with love themselves and/or their partners, but something is missing. They are hungry for more intimacy, deeper connection, and richer sexual experiences. And I give them guidance and practices that help them dissolve the obstacles to having these richer experiences in relationship with or without a committed partner.

I stumbled onto the Tantric path as a seeker of these same things in the relationship I was in at the time. I was with a man who was my best friend, but we did not see eye to eye sexually. I was hungry for a type of connection I had never experienced at that point but somehow knew existed.  And then I met my first Tantra teacher, Charu Morgan; a woman who showed me the bridge between my spirituality and my sexuality for the first time. I was hooked, because what I learned not only helped me have a new experiences with my partner, but the more I encountered the practices, the more I went through a deep inner transformation. Tantra helped me restore my innocence, my power, my heart, and my authentic self. It helped me find safety, wholeness, and pleasure inside my own body, not dependent on another person. It helped me learn how to let myself be seen, expressed, and loved.

Then there came a point when this little voice told me it was time teach. I tried to ignore this voice for a year. But you when you are being called, eventually you must answer.

So I dove onto the teacher’s path and my whole life came undone. I had to release the relationship I had been in for 8 yrs, I left my home, and a career in entertainment. Everything that I had clung to for a sense of self was shed. I became a global nomad for a year; traveling, working, studying Tantra and Taoism with powerful teachers, drinking in the culture and spirit of places like Cambodia, Bali, & Thailand, and South Africa.

When I came back to LA, I went through an intense training process with Charu to lead her Level 1 weekend workshops, and finally had an opportunity to work with large groups in addition to my private client base.

 

I still have a devoted daily personal practice that supports me in giving the most to my clients and students. I've continued my learning at the feet of great teachers, deepening my wisdom in Shakta Tantra and Tantra Yoga. And I’m passionate about sharing the knowledge that has changed my life and the lives of many of my students. 

 

 

What is the most common reason that individuals/ partners seek your guidance? 

What I hear time and time again, is that they want a deeper connection. That is true for both couples and singles. Other desires I hear a lot are more sex, or more intimate sex. Women often want to know more about their bodies and their sexuality. A lot of the women I work with struggle with orgasm in different ways and loving their bodies. Some have experienced trauma or abuse and they want to be able to heal and feel pleasure.  Most people want a fulfilling partnership, but are dealing with heartbreak of some kind. They desire to be able to open up and trust people, trust life. I have also encountered communication struggles, a desire to be able to listen to their own bodies and their partners body, or communicate their fears & desires. Most people just want to feel good in their bodies, to feel loved, seen, and understood… and they understand this work can help.

 

From your perspective as a healer offering your expertise to create more depthful intimacy between partners, what do you think is the biggest thing that stands in the way of a couple's fluid communication?

Most of the time we are not actually speaking our deepest truth. In fact a lot of people don’t even know what their deeper truth is. Couples are rarely ever arguing about the thing they are talking about. Under complaints, and pointed words are always deeper emotions that need to be felt and expressed for there to be any real resolution.  But this requires real vulnerability, which takes on-going practice and good self-awareness. An upset about a forgotten promise, or not having enough quality time together, is often about one person not feeling important, and the other feeling burdened or guilty about their partner’s need. The wisdom of relationship, is that it gives us something to bump up against and feel our deepest wounds and desires. Relationship brings us an opportunity to feel and express stuff we’ve been holding onto, that might otherwise lie dormant.  But it takes a certain amount of inner security to say “hey when you don’t make time for me, it takes me back to being 5 years old and ignored by my parents.” It really helps to have a safe container and guidance to access these deeper layers of vulnerability.  All conflict is an opportunity for deeper intimacy, when we learn how to let ourselves be vulnerable, undefended, and feel things we may not want to.

 

How do you describe tantra and how is it a part of what you share? 

This is a hard question to answer because tantra is an experiential spiritual path that dates back thousands of years, to really know what it is, you must do it, through a committed practice and the guidance of good teachers. But we can understand some basics by looking at the name itself which translates to ‘weaving'.  The basis of tantric philosophy is about the weaving of the feminine and masculine energies that create existence. Most indigenous and shamanic traditions speak about this weaving as well; yin & yang, father sky & mother earth, and in tantra it is the union of Shiva and Shakti. It is said that their lovemaking is what produces our physical world. While classical tantra allows us to connect with aspects of consciousness through rituals and practices that include mantra, yantra, and visualization; modern tantra has brought in somatic practices and psychology to work more directly with sexuality, and blocks to intimacy and union.  What makes Tantra unique is that it is one of the few spiritual paths that honors the body as a pathway to the ultimate liberation which is union with the Divine, so you will find this teaching at the heart of all Tantric practice.  The teachings are practical but powerful, so it is important to pick the right guide for your journey.  My work is a blend of Modern Tantric and Taoist practices, Yoga, Relationship Counseling, and Reiki (energy work).  I speak from my personal experience and what I've learned from my teachers and students. And I do my best to make this ancient wisdom fun, and relevant while maintaining the integrity of the teachings.

 

What role does masculine and feminine energy balance play in romantic relationship?

When I refer to masculine and feminine, I'm referring to qualities of energy and not men and women.  Masculine or Solar qualities as talked about in tantra, include presence, direction, stillness, consciousness and formlessness. Feminine or Lunar qualities include, movement, receptivity, love, nature, & form. The interplay of masculine energy and feminine energy is what creates the dynamic tension that allows there to be a physical existence. So naturally these energies also create a dynamic tension in between humans. That tension is what we often feel when there is sexual chemistry, or erotic desire.  How these energies work with each other is often called Polarity. When you have two opposing forces come together, a circuit is created. And this circuit can be activated between two people if one person is a masculine energy and the other is a feminine energy. Or this circuit can take place in our own bodies. It’s important to understand that we all contain both masculine and feminine energies in our bodies.  We have lunar and solar channels, as well as positive and negative poles, that are pathways for masculine and feminine energy to flow. So that dynamic spark can be activated without a partner through practices that bring these energies into union in our bodies. And Tantric Lovemaking is a way to approach sexual union so that the masculine and the feminine are united in reverence and balance with one another, which can open up a circuit between the two bodies where love can flow.  

 

Do you believe humans are hard wired for monogamy?

I’ve come across many interesting theories and conversations about this topic. I think that humans are wired for connection. Whether that is monogamous connection, polyamorous, or somewhere in between, I think depends on the human. No matter what type of relationship structure you are in, when the connection erodes or becomes threatened, people start to compromise themselves or their partnership when they don’t know how else to re-establish that connection. There has been a cultural disposition towards monogamy in the Western world, because it keeps social order simpler. There’s also quite a bit of religious doctrine that has re-enforced this standard. But I think many people have stuck with monogamy not only for the stability and security it can provide, but also the potential to deepen in intimacy and build something over a longer period of time with one person. Monogamy does not mean however that we will never love or desire other people besides our partner, so we are left with the task of making agreements and arrangements that work for all the people in a relationship. All relationships require a tremendous amount of maturity and vulnerability to last and keep working for both people. And there is no one side fits all solution for how humans should do relationship.

 

What advice would you give to someone seeking to experience true love in their lives? 

As cliche as it sounds all true love begins with Self-Love. And when I say Self, I’m referring to the Self that’s closest to Source, closest to your original innocence. Learning how to develop a relationship with that version of Self is the first step to true love. You must feel yourself as worthy and capable of giving and receiving love, in order to expereince the depths of true love.  I believe that love is not an emotion, but rather a field that permeates existence, it is available to us at all times, and many things can be a catalyst to that energy; another person, a song, time in nature, your breath.  When we learn how to access love that’ not dependent on how another person is being or behaving, then it becomes possible to be the source of love wherever you go. I find on days when I can do this, true love shows up in the most unexpected places. And from this place finding another human to share that with becomes easier.

 

Do you have any events or workshops upcoming that you'd like our audience to be aware of?

I have a sensual movement class for women called Body Bliss, starting on April 27th. I’m really excited about offering a space for women to access pleasure and bliss inside their own bodies through this 5 week series.  You can find out more and register at http://www.spaceforlove.com/events/ And I also do private coaching with singles and couple. I offer a free 30 min consult so we can discuss your specific desires and how the work I do may help. You can email info@spaceforlove.com to set one up. 

 


About Kamali

Kamali's passionate about transformation through movement, breath, meditation and self-awareness. She fuses her knowledge of Tantra, Taoism, Yoga, Meditation, Reiki, Relationship, and Art, to create opportunities for us to experience the Love that we are. Kamali has learned from a number of gifted spiritual teachers. She did her 200 YTT with Shivakali Yoga, Tantra teacher training with Embody Tantra, is a certified Sacred Feminine facilitator through Tao Tantric Arts and the Universal Tao, and is a trained Reiki Master.  Her approach to healing is about making ancient wisdom relevant to our modern lives by guiding practices that have been used for thousands of years to reach enlightened states, in ways that are accessible and fun.

Comment

Sacred Sexuality and Empathy

Comment

Sacred Sexuality and Empathy

Claire is a student of human sexuality and gender studies, a devotee of Tantric Spirituality and Shamanism, an avid world traveler.  She is founder of YourSensualWisdom.com and an agent for healthier sexual attitudes, experiences and relationships. Photographer for sensual freedom, Kyer Wiltshire conducts this interview, delving into the topic of Sacred Sexuality and Empathy:

 

Kyer: What does “sacred sexuality” mean to you?  What is sexual shamanism?  How do sexuality and spirituality intersect?

Claire: For me “sacred sexuality” has to do with my own state of Being and Presence during a sexual encounter.  How attuned, mindful, and responsive I am being toward myself and my partner is more important than what we are doing.  It doesn't’ matter if it’s a quickie or an all day love fest, a play party, a puja, or a solo self love session in front of porn; in the morning, afternoon, or night; slow love making, fast fucking, fisting, or even fighting – none of these are or aren’t inherently sacred.  However, any of these details or doings becomes sacred when I bring my attention, my attunement, my presence and responsiveness, and my Self to the experience.  Then, BOOM! Instant sacredness.

Sexual shamanism is a practice to cultivate more life force energy (chi).  The more chi we have, the more we mature as human beings and the less we need the structures of attachment and energy enmeshment that we grew up in.  

Sexuality and spirituality intersect differently for everyone, but for me they intersect when I bring mindfulness to whatever I’m doing.

Kyer: You were raised a Catholic in the south.  How did your upbringing influence your own path to becoming an educator and healer?

Claire: Profoundly. Being raised Catholic in the south meant I was conditioned to choose a conventional life, traditional relationships, and abstinence until marriage.  When I was young, there were few alternatives. After I left the Catholic Church, I began studying sexuality, gender and identity through a sociological lens, which opened my eyes to alternatives and fluidity in sexuality, gender, relating, and beyond.  I’ve devoted my life to learning about myself in relation to these themes so that from a place of on-going self “gnosis” I can share with others who are beginning their path toward sexual self-understanding.  That’s my life’s work.

Kyer: In your work, what are the goals of Tantra and sexual shamanism?  How are you re-educating men and women about sexuality and intimacy?  Do you also incorporate exercises that help create more empathy for couples and individuals?

Claire: The goals are to dismantle the “self” that conventional culture has created out of us and to learn about & create ourselves anew from a sovereign, self-loving place. We leave the trappings of conventional life behind and we move toward a more integrated, enlightened existence – as a “me” and as a “we”.  Sexuality and intimacy take on new purposes for people when they exchange mindless convention for mindful Self-mastery. There are some exercises that I include for creating more empathy; however empathy is a natural bi-product of doing the inner work to know and love yourself more deeply.  

Kyer: There is a deep sexual wound in our culture, our country.  It spills into politics, and how we treat each other and the planet.  What are some of the ways that we can individually and collectively heal our wounds, as well as Mother Gaia?

Claire: There’s the phrase “as within, so without.” This means that the external is a reflection of what exists inside of us. If we don’t like what we see or are experiencing outside of ourselves, it’s time to turn the focus inside and do the inner work to unravel the unhealed traumas and shadows that underlie our choices and behaviors, which the world is mirroring back to us. We can do this work individually, as a couple, and as a community; however, it starts first with the individual’s commitment to their own healing and self-awareness. The Earth heals when we heal.

Kyer: At YourSensualWisdom.com you ask the following question, “What might there be to know about yourself as a sexual being?” In light of the fact that the “sensual and sexual natures of us humans can be mysterious and confusing, as well as nurturing” and full of personal growth potential, how would you answer that question?  

Claire: This question has infinite answers. We are constantly growing, evolving, and expanding; thus what there is to know or learn about ourselves as sexual beings is ever evolving and expanding also.  However, a Rumi quote comes to mind.  “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” The quality of our sexual experiences and relationships is commensurate with the quality and fullness of our loving of ourselves and of others. Am I loving at my fullest capacity?  What other barriers, like fear, anxiety, righteousness, impatience, etc., need to be dropped?

Kyer: I sometimes see an “us verses them,” framing when it comes to women and men, and sexuality.  How can we move beyond this divisive paradigm? Where can we start? How does empathy come into play in our collective and individual sexual healing? 

Claire: We can start by first realizing that men and women both have an inner masculine aspect and an inner feminine aspect that have a relationship going on inside of us.   As we put attention on this inner relationship (with the help of a coach, through journaling, in meditation, etc.), healing its inner divisiveness and cultivating more harmony within it, the outer divisiveness between men and women will transform too.  When we can have empathy (I’m defining this as understanding and acceptance) for our inner aspects, and thus for our entire self (this is an important element of self-love), then skillful empathy becomes easier to have for others.  We only fight with others when we ourselves are in pain.

 

 

Learn more about Claire at YourSensualWisdom.com

Photography and Interview conducted by Kyer Wiltshire

More Photography from Kyer on WildSpiceMag

Comment

On Riding My Bike and Emotional Freedom

Comment

On Riding My Bike and Emotional Freedom

I was a late bloomer when it came to learning how to ride a bike. I was nine when I got the hang of it, and my younger sister and close friends had already learned and were rolling around our suburban Minneapolis neighborhood. I was jealous of their independence, but at the same time, I was a little afraid of riding. Eventually, with the help of a number of individuals, I finally mastered the two-wheeler. I can recall the exact moment I got it right, and it was a truly joyous moment. I look back at this event as the birth of my independent self; one of the first times I felt the power of my own agency.

Comment

A World Little Known

Comment

A World Little Known

A miracle happened in Trinidad. There was nothing that science or faith could do to save my grandfather from the cruelty of degenerative old age. That February in 2000, on my first trip to my father’s Caribbean homeland, my younger sister and I observed through pre-teen eyes as the old man slipped further away from the world of the living, confined to his bedroom, squirreled away behind an almost-closed door in our grandparents’ apartment. 

Comment

Daydreams : Assorted Poems (Vol. IV)

Comment

Daydreams : Assorted Poems (Vol. IV)

Once again, poet Sarah Bey brings words to life. 

Lying in the temporary. She began to speak to the Eternal. And the waters rolled, washing and letting the stories unfold into spoken words. Cleansed and a little congested, she ended with a simple and genuine Thank You. 

Comment

Parasomnia

Comment

Parasomnia

 You don’t sleep well. Ever since you were little—ever since your first night terror—you lost your ability to pass out cold. Your mom had always said, before, you were a deep sleeper. You don’t quite realize what a gift shut-eye is until it’s lost. Clinically speaking, night terrors are akin to sleepwalking—parasomnia. Awake, you see what does not exist.

Comment

On Solitude and Breathing and Being

Comment

On Solitude and Breathing and Being

It’s quite the paradox — but I’d venture that this unhealthy reliance on social networking is really just a symptom of a more complex issue: monophobia. We live in a society in which we are fearful of being alone, because aloneness has somehow become equated to loneliness. We are fearful of being still, fearful that we will miss out on something. We are socialized to do, and say, and strive for things — everything. We are socialized to consistently chase and collect experiences.  

Comment

Reclaiming Your Power

Comment

Reclaiming Your Power

I woke from sleep as if I knew there was a presence around me.  I looked out the window, a finger's length from the bed, and there he was: his face pressed up against the glass, his eyes staring so intently at me. As I waited the forty-five, excruciating minutes until the police arrived, I kept the emergency operator on the phone with me as I wept and wondered, is he trying to come in and kidnap me? 

Comment

The Stride of Pride

Comment

The Stride of Pride

We’ve all been there before (well, some more than others) : stealthily snaking a leg over [ooh-what-was-his-name?]’s snoring body, to collect your bra, shoes, dignity, and cell phone. Praying that he doesn’t wake, you make those painful steps to the door in a real life, grown up version of Don’t-Wake-Daddy—except he’s not your daddy (despite what he asked you to call him last night), he’s the guy you stuffed between your thighs all night, hoping he might get lucky and find your clit.

Comment

A World Without Fear

Comment

A World Without Fear

A while ago, my friend brought my attention to a powerful and poignant article published in Vice, written by Megan Koester. Koester’s article was brave and honest. In her essay, she briefly retells her experience of getting assaulted on the street while walking alone at night. She says she doesn’t feel afraid walking alone now; she refuses to let her attacker win. I am of two minds when I think about this issue—about walking alone, and the concept of safety, and what it means for women.

Comment